“How does it look to stand up for what you believe AND be kind to those who vote differently?
There are lots of strategies for HOW to do that, including listening with curiosity and speaking with respect. Deep breathing, and calming your mind. They are in our Substack archives, written by us and talented guest authors, and you can check them out HERE.
With the midterms upon us, I want to highlight an equally difficult, yet separate challenge. That feeling in the pit of your stomach that says “Will my friends stop talking to me if I say something respectful about those people who voted for X.”
That “pit in your stomach” feeling is real. I’ve felt it and I bet you have too.
Last spring, we recorded an audiobook version of Beyond the Politics of Contempt. Along with a professional narrator, each of us authors read our own stories. This added a lot to the quality of the book as stories can be very powerful. But when I heard my own voice on the audiobook proofs, it gave me pause. I felt vulnerable.
How do we relate to our well-meaning friends who can’t fathom WHY we would possibly want to interact with those who vote differently from us? Or have a different opinion on a local or national issue?
We have held numerous events around the themes of Beyond the Politics of Contempt. The number one question has been some form of:
“Why should I talk with Uncle Fred, who voted for “X” and believes “Y”? He is operating from a completely different set of facts. And if I listen to him explain his reasoning, aren’t I giving weight to thinking that is not only dangerous, but immoral?”
Substitute another relative or neighbor for Uncle Fred, a controversial candidate for “X”, and a hot issue for “Y”
Our answer— especially as the midterms approach—
Acknowledgement is not agreement. Listening with curiosity to your Uncle and why he voted the way he did is not abandoning the Cause or engaging in immoral actions. I’ve still marched at No Kings rallies, written letters in support of science funding after the DOGE cuts, and advocated for a healthy climate. And I’ve already voted in this year’s midterms— have you?
Maybe you can even ask your Uncle— tell me one positive thing “X” accomplished? One of my friends came up with that suggestion and it turned her relationship with her relative around in a positive way. And then, after feeling heard, he wanted to hear what she thought about candidates and hot button issues.
Regardless of who wins and loses in our local, state, and national elections, will we be able to move forward as a country to solve the numerous challenges that lie ahead?
Can we model, for our elected legislators, the art of listening with curiosity and speaking with respect?
Or will we retreat into our in-groups, focusing on contempt?
Consider this: Even if our preferred candidates win, our important work is not over.